Posted by: Seth David | December 23, 2009

Step 2 – Lack of power

Lack of power is my dilemma. Step 2 is not about my understanding of God, but seeing my need for power, and getting it.

Advertisements
Posted by: Seth David | October 7, 2009

Back to Basics

It’s time for me to get back to basics. I got clean in CA and that is where the bulk of my sober experience has been. Seems lately that The Universe is guiding me back there. The people I am drawn to, the people I feel at home with. I feel like I spent the last 3 years away from home in a manner of speaking. This morning I woke up feeling refreshed, like I am on the right path. Tonight begins a new journey. Awakenings, a process where I am going to learn how to teach a newcomer precisely how we recover from alcoholism and drug addiction exactly as it is outlined in the original text of AA known as “The Big Book” of alcoholics anonymous. Thank you God for today and thank you god for this path you are leading me down.

No High Tech Step Study for a little while – until my sponsor tells me I can resume spiritual practice. I need to start over as if I know nothing and approach this with a completely open mind. In fact this will be the last post on here for a while.

Posted by: Seth David | October 3, 2009

A Rallying Point

The end of step 2 says that this is a rallying point. In only recently struck me when I was working with a guy I sponsor that is says this here. So I looked up Rally and there are some great definitions here:

  • to come together for common action or effort: The disunited party rallied in time for the election campaign.
  • to come together or into order again: The captain ordered his small force to rally at the next stream.
  • to come to the assistance of a person, party, or cause (often fol. by to or around): to rally around a political candidate.
  • to recover partially from illness: He spent a bad night but began to rally by morning.
  • to find renewed strength or vigor: The runner seemed to be rallying for a final sprint.

The problem was identified in step 1 and we get here from all different backgrounds and experiences. So step 2 is a place where we come together for a common effort. In step 2 we are now focused on the solution. This comes as good news to me because I now realize I do not have to wait until step 5 to recognize that I am not alone. I can begin to recognize right in step 2 that I am at a point of coming together with others in a common effort to find the solution to alcoholism and drug addiction. I love this.

I will attempt to write my step 3 overview this weekend. Hope you are having a great one!

Posted by: Seth David | September 1, 2009

Step 2 – Overview

By the time we reach step 2 we are bound to be in one of two places. We’ve completed Step I so hopefully we recognize that our situation is a desperate one and hopefully this has brought about a certain degree of passion. We’ve found A strong desire to want to live and build a new life to replace the old one. We are still only at the beginning. We have a problem. We’ve been shown that our situation is hopeless and now we want a new life, but just how are we supposed to go about this? How are we supposed to drop everything we think we know about ourselves and our lives to make room for something we know nothing about and can’t really grasp just yet. My personal answer is just make a little room for now. You can always make more room later. Let go just enough to move on into the second step.

Some of us are going to resist this. We want to be smart about it – no one is going to trick me into joining some cult! I propose this question. Let’s say that AA was a cult (and I don’t believe it is). Let’s say that this, unlike all other cults I’ve ever heard of, offers a way of life that offers me the opportunity to build and develop relationships outside of that cult with my family, friends, and loved ones. Let’s say that this cult offers the promise of a new way of life and a freedom that is only limited by the blocks I place on myself. Doesn’t that sound like a cult everyone should join? In fact this is true because AA is NOT a cult. Cults cut you off from society and brainwash you into keeping yourself separated from it. AA teaches us how to re-join society with a new mind – a psychic change if you will. So let’s get back to step 2.

Am I belligerent and resistant to believe in a power greater than myself? We all have our beliefs and most of us without even realizing it believe in a power greater than ourselves already. George Lucas calls it The Force. Rhonda Byrne and many others call it The Universe. Some of us even dare to call if God! You can call it what you want, the trick here is to believe in something. Most of us come here believing in nothing- including ourselves, so why not make the first thing we do differently be about believing in “something”? We may be asking why we should believe and step two suggests that we look at the now proven experience of AA. At the beginning this was not possible, because AA was brand now. Nowadays we have countless stories accounting for and proving that AA has worked to change the lives of thousands of people for the better. Even chronic relapsers who still “keep coming back” report that their lives have gotten somewhat better. Of course they are missing out on the real miracle of AA, but they at least get a taste.

Then there are those of us, and maybe the belligerent ones come to this place where we are now excited to do this. We want this recovery thing and we want it all at once, but it seems like a tall order. Our sponsors tell us to take it easy and we ask “HOW?” The good news is we don’t have to do this all at once. We can do it in pieces. The only thing we need to do perfectly is not drink or use and everything else falls under the heading of “progress, not perfection.” Step 6 gets into this in a little more detail where it talks about how the only thing we get a perfect release from is alcoholism and then it poses the question about what do we do regarding all of our other problems and defects. More on that later.

The simple answer to step 2 and how to apply it is that I have to be willing to learn. We talk about scientific progress and step 2 gives us that in a great description of how to learn – search and research again and again, always with an open mind. In order to understand this we need to really know what it means to have an open mind. Again we have to take this in pieces. As long as I am willing to recognize that I need to learn then I am off to a good start. Then we look at the people who once had faith and then lost it, or they tried it and found that it didn’t work. To these people I would pose the question – what really didn’t work? Faith or the person claiming to have it? Is it AA or is it me that isn’t working? Some of us will resolve that just using common sense and going on the basic principles of treating others well and working hard will be enough. Steps 6 & 8 will show us why that doesn’t work when we get there – the issues with us are much deeper – we understood these things when we were getting loaded yet chose to ignore them. We don’t get to AA because we suddenly decide we want to treat ourselves and others well. We get here because we become desperate for a better way of life. Then in 30 days we forget how bad it was, find ourselves in step 2 with our short memories and think that all we have to do is “be good”. Again a good look at AA will show us that many people have enjoyed much better lives, but it took a little more work than just being good. If we can recall how desperate our situations were, and for some of us the unfortunate relapse has to happen at this stage to prove to us once more that we need help, we can then find that place where we are willing to search for faith. Forgetting what we thing worked or didn’t work in the past – we just start over and say I have to believe that something or someone out there can help me, because I’ve certainly proven that I can’t do this life thing on my own.

This is where step 2 addresses the type of people who may have difficulty recognizing that they have anything to learn – the intellectually self sufficient. The simple answer on this one for me was to remember where all of my knowledge and intelligence got me! I was so smart I once told someone that I could never get addicted to cocaine because I would be smart enough to know when to stop. In fact I went on to say that only a “loser” would get addicted to cocaine. Well by my own standards I became a loser. I’ve seen many people struggle with this one. Almost like they don’t want to be “tricked” into getting sober. So I like to look into the eyes of the intellectually self sufficient and ask them – “so you are a really smart guy/girl huh?” If the answer is yes and we are in the midst of a conversation about how they desperately need to get sober then the next question is easy – “How’s that working for you?”. We can even jump forward to step 3 for a second – p. 37 :

“But the moment our mental or emotional independence is in question, how differently we behave. How persistently we claim the right to decide all by ourselves just what we shall think and just how we shall act. Oh yes, we’ll weigh the pros and cons of every problem. We’ll listen politely to those who would advise us, but all the decisions are to be ours alone. Nobody is going to meddle with our personal independence in such matters. Besides, we think, there is no one we can surely trust. We are certain that our intelligence, backed by willpower, can rightly control our inner lives and guarantee us success in the world we live in. This brave philosophy, wherein each man plays God, sounds good in the speaking, but it still has to meet the acid test: how well does it actually work? One good look in the mirror ought to be answer enough for any alcoholic.”

Then there are those of us who have faith, but somehow it is not working. We believe in a power greater than any human power. We even believe that it is helping, yet we cannot stay sober. The 12 &12 describes this person as a “heartbreaking riddle”. The essential problem with these people as is described in the book is one of quality over quantity. Simply put (in my opinion) it has to come from the heart – I have to really believe – I can’t fake this one until I make this one – I really need to have gotten desperate in step I and I really need to need help in step 2.

The one thing all of the people / circumstances described in step 2 is not where we are coming from, but where we are going. We all need to become teachable and we all need to be willing to ask for help and then receive it when it comes. We talk about insanity. This is not the straight jacket variety we are referring to. Sanity is defined very specifically in Step 2 – “Soundness of mind”. When I have a sound mind (ironically almost) my mind is quiet. I am calm. So “insanity” is anything short of this:

“Yet no alcoholic, soberly analyzing his destructive behavior, whether the destruction fell on the dining-room furniture or his own moral fiber, can claim soundness of mind for himself”

  • Page 33 Twelve Steps & Twelve Traditions

“Therefore, Step Two is the rallying point for all of us. Whether agnostic, atheist, or former believer, we can stand together on this Step. True humility and an open mind can lead us to faith, and every A.A, meeting is an assurance that God will restore us to sanity if we rightly relate ourselves to Him.”

Posted by: Seth David | August 24, 2009

The Evolution of My Interests

When I first got sober my scope was limited. I did not have an interest in many things, because I did not have knowledge of very many things. I knew how to get high. I knew how to lie and cover up very well. These were no longer skills I was going to be able to use. They no longer suited me – especially if I was going to build a new character whose foundation was based very specifically on doing the opposite – being honest, holding all my cards out, and hiding nothing. I was a pretty boring person when you think about it because of my lack of interest in and knowledge of anything.

Then I found passion. This has evolved over the past 10 years into intense passion for life. I have fallen in love. I first had to fall in love with myself. Once I found that I had love for myself, I realized I had love within myself. This love has translated into love for my wife, the rest of my family and my friends and of course I have to include my dogs. As a matter of fact I credit them with bringing out the most intense love that I have for all things! Today I have the opposite problem compared with what is described in the previous paragraph. I am so filled with love for so many things it is hard to choose how to spend my time. I wish I could fit in everything I want to do. I wish I could afford everything I want to do J. All in good time! All in God’s time.

God bless all of my family and friends – God thank you for all that you have given me, for all that you have taken away, and for everything that you have left behind!

Posted by: Seth David | July 20, 2009

Step I – Passion

One of the things I was happy to find out in Step I was that I did not have to be homeless to get this program. I was just about homeless anyway, but the point is that I did not have to necessarily get to the same point that some of the early AA pioneers had to get to in order to recover. There was hope for me even though I hadn’t completely bottomed out. I still had some of my dignity. Not much, but some. The step goes on to explain that as long as I grab hold of these principles with all the fervor with which the drowning seize life preservers, then I will more than likely get well or for that matter improve my life drastically. Fervor is passion. This paints a certain picture. I needed to be desperate and it didn’t matter what the experience was that got me to the place where I was as desperate as a drowning person is to survive. I can handle more than some, and I am sure there are many who can handle more than me. I worked as a lifeguard when I was a kid. We were taught that when approaching a drowning victim, you extent the buoy at arms length because the victim is going to grab hold of it and keep going towards you. The danger is they can pull you down as you are trying to help them. That’s how powerful someone is when they grab hold of something with the conviction being described here.

Eventually what I learned is that when I apply this principle – the principle of laying hold of something with all the fervor with which the drowning sieze life preservers. What I realize today is that anything I grab hold of with this kind of passion is something I cannot possibly fail at, but I need to be clear. The kind of passion we are talking about here is the kind of passion where I eat it, live it, breathe it, and can’t imagine living without it. I want to spend every waking minute of my day doing it. The step also tells me that I need to be as open-minded to conviction and as willing to listen as the dying can be. So I need to be passionate and I need to be willing to listen. Humility is tied in here because only a humble person is willing to listen. So when I am both passionate and willing to listen I am unstoppable. This has been my own personal experience. I sit in certain step study meetings today and I listen. I write notes because I know I cannot remember everything, but I remember a whole lot more when I have written something down. This is how I’ve learned as much as I’ve learned and I still have a long way to go.

I’ve applied this principle in my relationships and seen the relationships flourish. I’ve applied it in my business and seen my business grow. This is not a suggestion, this is a guarantee. People who are immensely successful at what they do are that way because of passion. Because there is only the one thing they want to do and keep their focus on – many of them don’t have families because they are so driven and focused on wanting to be the best at something. This is not to say that we all have to be so focused on one thing that we cannot enjoy families. It is just to illustrate the spectrum.

Posted by: Seth David | July 12, 2009

Step I Overview

 

Step I

We admitted we were powerless over alcohol – that our lives had become unmanageable

 

What does it mean to admit complete defeat? The paradox of this step is that by admitting defeat – that I am powerless I actually get to tap into a power. We’ll cover that more in step 2. For now it is important to understand that as a human being I am not inclined to want to admit that I am powerless over anything. This leads to an inability to ask for help. I also learn that my mind is warped. This means my thinking is off. So I want to look for warped thinking. For years in AA I struggled to find out what specific steps I can take in the day I’m in. I am beginning to learn this. Here’s an example. I get up in the morning and my mind is blank. Usually I am awakened by my dogs. Somewhere in the first 10 minutes of being awake a thought enters my head. Something that happened or something someone said to me the previous day bothered me and now I am thinking about it. The thought festers and grows and within a few more minutes all the rage comes back as if the event took place all over again. This is warped thinking. I am reliving a bad experience. I’ve learned now that when I catch myself doing this I need to stop and ask God to remove the thought from me. The next thing I have learned to do is bring myself right back into the moment by looking around myself. Where am I? I’m in the shower (let’s say). I start thinking about the fact that I am in the shower. This takes me into the moment. Then I start thinking about the things I have to be grateful for and often times in order to help with this process I offer a very simple and beautiful prayer. God thank you for all that you have given me, thank you for everything you have taken away, and thank you for everything you have left behind. This helps me get perspective, especially because I am not just being grateful for what I have, but also for the things I am glad I don’t have. Then I can follow that up with a 3rd & 7th step prayer. If you are reading this and don’t know what those prayers are, not to worry I’ll get to that.

This disease of my thinking is compared to a bankruptcy – a rapacious (inordinately greedy) creditor. In other words this disease will suck the life out of me. 10 years later it’s not the drugs and alcohol that gets me, it’s my thinking. I have an illness that exists below the level of my consciousness and it will suck the life out of me if I am not properly aware of it and how it affects me. I have to accept this, and when I do my bankruptcy is complete. It sounds like I am saying that it’s over, right? This is the whole point. Every time I speak I share this – that I wasn’t ready to change until I became convinced that my situation was hopeless. That is the place I needed to be in mentally in order to be ready to start wanting a new way of life. It’s one thing to not want a life that isn’t going well. It’s an entirely different thing to want a whole new life and also be willing to accept that I have no idea what that new life holds in store. I had to be in the most desperate possible position in order to be ready. At the time it did not look good the way I am making it sound now because I was not aware that this was where I needed to be. I was only aware that my situation was hopeless. If I had any idea at the time that this was the place that I needed to be in, in order to be on my way t an incredibly successful life then I would not have been ready.

Step 1 says I will not find any happiness until I am humbled in the manner described above. The converse of this is that if I find a deep sense of humility then I will find happiness. This is not presented as a suggestion – it says “Proved beyond a doubt by an immense experience, this is one of the facts of AA Life”.

P. 21 last sentence. The paragraph finishes at the top of 22 with “The principal that we shall find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which from which our whole society has sprung and flowered.”

We talk about self confidence. This is a dangerous thing for us because it is too easy to get confused about this and lose sight of our humility. Step 1 explains that self confidence is no good. We’ll find out in step 3 that we need to become dependent which means we will need help. This defies self confidence. I think in this context we are thinking of self confidence as self sufficiency. We have to realize that the days of self sufficiency are over. True humility involves the recognition that I will need the help and guidance of others. Ironically in doing this I become more powerful than I ever could be on my own. So I don’t need or want “SELF” confidence. I need “WE” confidence. The confidence that together we can do this.

We talk about the double edged sword.     First I have an obsessive mind so that when it comes to drugs and alcohol, or food, or sex or any number of other things, once I start thinking about it I can’t stop. Then the physical reaction kicks in once I actually do start which means there is no telling if and when I will stop and where I will be when it all ends. Again the illustration is hopelessness.

    It was a statistical fact that alcoholics almost never recovered on their own resources. And this had been true, apparently, ever since man had first crushed grapes.

    p. 22 2nd par

 

How desperate do I have to be to be hopeless? For everyone the threshold is different. In these terms we are not all created equal. Some can handle a great deal more pain than others. Ultimately it comes down to a decision. When do I decide that I am willing to view my current situation as so hopeless that only and act of god can bring about the change I want? When do I decide that I want to experience a change below the level of consciousness? Am I tired enough of my current situation to actually want a new situation? I had to want something new – it wasn’t enough to just not want what I had.

The kicker is summed up (as always) at the end of the step. The big book talks about “Honesty, Open Mindedness, and Willingness”. This is in a spiritual experience. Step 1 talks about open-mindedness in the very last paragraph:

    Under the lash of alcoholism, we are driven to A.A., and there we discover the fatal nature of our situation. Then, and only then, do we become as open-minded to conviction and as willing to listen as the dying can be. We stand ready to do anything which will lift the merciless obsession from us.

    p. 24 Last Paragraph

Posted by: Seth David | July 6, 2009

What do I do when I need a pick me up?

Believe it or not, sometimes I feel down. I say this because most people who know me these days know me to be a pretty up beat person almost all of the time. So what do I do when I am feeling down? First thing is to remember what is says in step 4 on page 45 of the 12 & 12:

If temperamentally we are on the depressive side, we are apt to be swamped with guilt and self-loathing. We wallow in this messy bog, often getting a misshapen and painful pleasure out of it. As we morbidly pursue this melancholy activity, we may sink to such a point of despair that nothing but oblivion looks possible as a solution. Here, of course, we have lost all perspective, and therefore all genuine humility. For this is pride in reverse. This is not a moral inventory at all; it is the very process by which the depressive has so often been led to the bottle and extinction. 

This is where I am reminded that this is a dangerous place for me to be. So what do I need to do to get out of it? Visualization is what has helped me the most. This can often be accompanied by meditation.

When such thoughts break in, we might recall, a little ruefully, how much store we used to set by imagination as it tried to create reality out of bottles. Yes, we reveled in that sort of thinking, didn’t we? And though sober nowadays, don’t we often try to do much the same thing? Perhaps our trouble was not that we used our imagination. Perhaps the real trouble was our almost total inability to point imagination toward the right objectives. There’s nothing the matter with constructive imagination; all sound achievement rests upon it. After all, no man can build a house until he first envisions a plan for it. Well, meditation is like that, too; it helps to envision our spiritual objective before we try to move toward it. So let’s get back to that sunlit beach— or to the plains or to the mountains, if you prefer. 

12 & 12 P. 100 3rd Par

So when I am feeling down the thing that helps me the most is to meditate and think in terms of the person I want to be. I allow myself to feel what it feels like to be that person. A good husband, a good friend, and good pet owner (I love my dogs). Often times I just think of them when I am not at home and it brings a smile to my face. I think of something funny that they did and I feel good. Try it. Think about the last time you got some really good news, or better yet think about the good news you are hoping to get soon. Feel it. Feel what it feels like. If you do this properly then you will actually feel good while you are thinking about these things. The next thing you realize is that you can feel this way any time. All you have to do is think the thoughts and you feel the feelings. So the “event” you are thinking about doesn’t actually have to be taking place, you just have to think about the event that makes you feel happy and the feeling comes about. This means that my feelings are completely within my control at any given moment. My feelings are a direct reflection of my thoughts. The paragraph I cited above is right out of the 12 & 12 and it encapsulates the entire concept of the book The Secret in one paragraph. We can expand upon this of course. This tells me that the way I am feeling is authorized by me and no one else.

When I got out of my second rehab and got clean this last time around I remember that I began to think about the kind of life I wanted. This was new. I had been trying for about 3 years to get clean with no success. The whole time I was thinking about the life I didn’t want instead of thinking about the life I wanted. The laws of the universe dictate that I get what I am thinking about even if I am thinking I don’t want it. So thinking about not having a life with drugs lead me back to a life with drugs over and over again. It wasn’t until I started thinking about the life I wanted that I started to really change. The life I began to envision for myself simply didn’t have drugs and alcohol in the picture. More recently I finally began to lose weight. I have been trying this for 3 years (seems like a pattern – it takes me 3 years to realize what I need to do in order to start actually changing). The difference in my thinking was that I stopped thinking about trying to lose weight. Instead I began to visualize what I wanted to look like and perhaps more importantly I visualized myself as a strong person in good shape. I began to feel the feelings of being strong and healthy. All of a sudden like magic the weight started dropping off. It was amazing to experience this. 

In my first few years clean I was working as an employee but I began to develop a concept of the sort of life I wanted on the side of my career. I knew I liked being in front of a computer, but I didn’t want to be confined to a computer. I also like people and wanted to be around them some of the time. I also did not want to have to go to an office every day. I like having different places to go to. It breaks up the monotony. I knew I loved to play with numbers and I loved excel. QuickBooks came about later on as a natural progression. The point here is that I had a specifically general (if that makes any sense) concept of what I wanted. One day about 2 years ago I was on the phone with my brother and talking about what I was up to with Nerd Enterprises and he shot something back to me that hit me really hard. He said it was as if God paved the perfect career path for me. All of the things I love to do. I could never have conceived this based on my general description of what I wanted, but now that it has come together the way it has I am blown away at how perfect it is.

Over the years it has gotten easier to maintain my upbeat demeanor. It wasn’t always like this, but it’s hard not to be happy most of the time these days. All I really ever need to do is look around myself and it’s right in front of me. My wife is my best friend, ever. If The City of Burbank would allow it, I would have 3 more dogs, but the 3 I have are amazing. They bring so much love and joy. Like I said earlier I just need to think about them at any given moment and I can’t help but smile a huge smile. I think about my wife and the same things happen. The way that I got here was by creative visualization and a lot of hard work. Let me be clear that just thinking about these things will not make them happen. The thoughts will bring on the positive feelings which will in turn motivate me. Then I will attract and set the things in motion that need to be in motion in order to bring my thoughts to reality. So the real answer is meditation for me, but of course I need to do this stuff in order. Before meditation was going to work with complete effectiveness I had to grasp steps 1 – 10. Nowadays I have to apply the principles of all 12 steps to my life and then I can remember that they are a group of principles which means I just need to touch one and I’ve come into contact with all of them.

Posted by: Seth David | June 17, 2009

A New Beginning

Everyone encounters problems in the day they’re in. We have jobs and people we work with. Family members, and other loved ones. Bosses, subordinates, and many other levels on which we are engaged in one basic thing. Relationships.

When you dig down to the core of what the 12 steps are all about the answer can be summed up with that one word, relationships. This is why they can be used to help anyone, alcoholic or not. The thing about alcoholics is that we are particularly challenged in this area, but when it comes down to it, who isn’t?

There are 2 basic texts used in AA – The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous and Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions. You will see me reference both, however there will be a particular emphasis on the 12 & 12. The reason for this is that I have had a specifically deep and effective experience since making a thorough study of this book. To call it a”study” is not really saying enough. About 3 years ago I started working with a group of men who showed me how to look at the 12 & 12 reading one paragraph at a time and analyzing if from two standpoints; what are the spiritualprincipals found in that paragraph, andhow can I apply them in the day or moment I’m in. The experience I’ve had with this has been profound. The most significant thing in my opinion that had come out of this is the firm conviction that if everyone made an honest effort to live a life according to these basic principles for living, the world would most definitely be a better place. No question.   

It is a spiritual axiom that every time we are disturbed, no matter what the cause, there is something wrong us wrong also. But are there no exceptions to this rule? What about “justifiable” anger? If somebody cheats us, aren’t we entitled to be mad? Can’t we be properly angry with selfrighteousfolk? For us of A.A. these are dangerous exceptions. We have found that justified anger ought to be left to those better qualified to handle it.

      – 12 & 12 p. 90 2nd par.   

This is the one that gets everyone’s attention. Let’s assume for the sake of argument that I am not an alcoholic. Perhaps then it is fair to assume that I may be one of those people “better qualified to handle it” In fact let’s go a step further and assume for a moment that somehow it can be shown that I am one of those people. How well will I do for myself getting angry at people anyway? I’ve come to learn that it is not only pointless to get angry, but that anger blocks me from any progress in this life. Don’t get me wrong I am not for a moment suggesting that I don’t every get angry anymore. I can honestly tell you that it is less frequent. As much as possible I try to recognize when I do get angry, and then practice this principle. If I can do it effectively then I recognize that my anger shows up to let me know that something is bothering me. Once I recognize this I ask the universe to remove it from me and then I immediately move towards a solution. Every situation is different but a large percentage of these cases will involve me first seeking guidance from someone who has had similar experiences before me, and then talking with the person who upset me in a non-confrontational, yet assertive manner. The more I learn to do this, the better my relationships get. The fewer relationships I burn as a result of reacting without thinking things through. How many times have we gotten upset with people only to find out it was a simple mis-understanding? And how much energy was wasted on being upset and angry before we actually did the proper investigation which lead in those cases to the realization that it was in fact a simple mis-understanding and there was really nothing to be angry about.

Then there is the classic question that comes up in response to this. What do you mean there is something wrong with me? If someone does something to piss me off, aren’t they the one with the “issue”? I propose this question to those who ask some version of the aforementioned question: Who’s suffering here? The person you are mad at who is probably walking around completely unaware that anything is wrong? Or you with your feelings of anger? Anger is emotionally draining. Spend a whole day angry and see how you feel at the end of that day. So when I am angry it is important to recognize that it is ME who is suffering, accordingly I am the one with the problem – the person or entity I am angry with is probably having a great day. 

Categories